One scene depicts Tom’s mother and twin sister being raped. Nothing explicit is seen, but the rapist is seen climbing on top of Tom’s mother, then the camera cuts. His sister is shown being raped behind a couch, but only her legs can be seen. A young boy is then raped, which is shown in more detail; the man is shown cutting off the boy’s jeans and thrusting on top of him.


Film review:Translated by www.rabudo-ru.com


Author: Ye Yan, Beijing Huize Xinzhou psychologist

On the evening of April 1, I watched the 130 minute film the prince of tides with several friends. After the film was shown, everyone sat around and had a heated discussion. It was not until 10:30 that I finally found a suitable entry point and announced that “the activity must end”. Thank you for your sharing and sincere opening up. These exchanges are so valuable. Our thoughts and emotions are connected and collided in the air, stirring up wonderful sparks, which also benefits me as the host. I’ve always wanted to write down my feelings and share them with you. Today, I can finally calm down and savor them, just like an old cow ruminating.

At the beginning of the film, it presents a simple and rough father, a sensitive, gentle and seemingly weak mother and a family of three children. Whenever parents have conflicts and disputes, “whenever our brothers and sisters need to escape, we will carry out a set of rituals. We find a world without pain, silence and soothing our hearts…” the three children always run to the lake together, He jumped into the lake and hid under the lake hand in hand. This is a safe place for them. From the perspective of psychoanalysis, jumping into the water means hiding back in the mother’s womb. In this way, the film implies children’s excessive attachment and entanglement to their mother. In the event of domestic violence (domestic violence for short), our kindness often makes us sympathize with the violent party and condemn the perpetrator. However, in family therapy, we find that the victim of violence is often the perpetrator, and the seemingly reprehensible other party is often forced to commit violence in the family. A battered woman, her first husband, her second husband, her third husband… You will find how pathetic she is. She always marries a non-human person. She never meets a man who really loves and loves her, and the object she marries was so loving before she got married… This is very interesting. If we look at the battered woman’s native family, you will find, She often has a violent father. Life is always a terrible repetition. Although you are in pain and want to get rid of it, we who live in the unconscious stumble over the invisible rope, stumble and stumble again and again.

Go a little further and go back to the movie. The mother who seems to be violent, beautiful, weak and always crying by her father seems very poor, but she is the most powerful in the family. She controls everything, angers her father, and gently controls her three children with love: call each child into the room by the bed, The mother close to the child’s ear and told him: “among the three children, you are my favorite. I love you far more than them. I love you most. Do you love me too? Don’t tell anyone. This is a little secret between us. Can you keep it secret? Say you love me.” In this way, the mother controls every child with gentle love and maintains her loyalty – to be her forever loyal child. In a one-time traumatic incident in childhood, three prisoners broke into their home when their father was out fishing and raped their mother, Tom and sister Savana. This seemingly tragic traumatic event has become a means for the mother to better control her three children. She demands loyalty and confidentiality. In this way, she has also been more successful in attacking the father, excluding the father from the family, and finally leading to the disintegration of the marriage.

Twenty years later, Tom had married and had children, but he still kept his little secret with his mother and remained loyal to his mother – to be a good son of his mother. In front of women, he is just a son. This is a form of castration. This excessive entanglement with his mother made him unable to perform his duties as a husband and father. He is with the children like a big child. He couldn’t have an intimate relationship with his wife. He said, “sorry, I don’t feel it.”. The relationship between Tom and his mother in adulthood would quarrel as soon as he met. He called his mother’s name angrily and refused to admit that she was his mother. Like a trapped animal in a cage, he has an inner power calling to be himself and yearning for independence, but he is still entangled by his mother’s invisible and gentle rope and can’t get rid of it. As an adult, Tom is full of hatred for his excessive entanglement and attachment with his mother. Unable to get rid of, all he can do is avoid and avoid. His mother’s arrival made him feel suffocation, “my mother is approaching. Don’t you feel the air condensing?” Let’s look at the image of the mother 20 years later. After receiving the mother’s call, the daughter-in-law said to Tom, “mother is crying on the phone”. Tom said angrily, “I don’t remember when she didn’t cry!” The first sentence the mother said when she entered her son’s house was, “it’s time to water the shrubs.”. The character of control remains the same.

The film has made a breakthrough since the third child Savannah committed suicide again. As a second brother, Tom accepted an appointment with a consultant to help his sister. Many times, the problem is “just say it”. After Tom fully trusted the consultant and strictly kept his secrets for more than 20 years, he began to talk one by one, his loyalty was disintegrated, and his self began to be slowly liberated from his mother’s cage.

When Tom said “I think I like adultery”, he completed the transformation from a good obedient boy to a man who dares to be himself. A sentence that seems contrary to ethics and morality is a landmark event of “becoming a man” for Tom, who has been loyal to his mother for many years. It marks the successful separation and derailment of son and mother! At this time, he began to have enough strength to be an adult man and the ability to be a husband and a father. So Tom left the counselor and returned to his marriage on the verge of collapse. In the film, he hugged the counselor and danced with her. He said, “I hugged her and told her that she enabled me to go home. Six weeks ago, I was going to leave my wife and daughter. I wanted to get rid of all this, but she changed my mind and she changed me. For the first time, I felt that I could give back to the women in my life…” he returned to his family, Facing his work, life and marriage, everything is different from the past.

In the film appreciation activity, a friend asked, “strictly speaking, Tom is not allowed to have sex with this consultant?” Well, in strict consultation, this is not allowed to happen. The film makes a plausible explanation that Tom is only an auxiliary family member who helps his sister with psychological counseling, and his relationship with the counselor is not a real counseling relationship. Despite the superficial love relationship, the interaction between Tom and the female counselor is more like a mutual healing process, like a slow duet. Tom completed the transformation from a boy to a man from the female consultant, and the female consultant also completed some complex treatment.

When the film was finished, everyone fell into a kind of meditation and fluctuating emotions. At this time, when I review the film again and ruminate the whole activity process, I fall into fluctuating emotions again. In the film, Tom spent six weeks to complete his adult transformation. However, in real life, growth is long. Let’s grow up slowly with a brave and fearless heart.

Ending with the last paragraph of the film: “I learned to love my parents in New York, despite their flawed and angry nature. There are no unforgivable crimes at home, but now it is the mystery of life that supports me. I once again hope that every man and every woman can have two lives.” Bless every man and every woman!

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